TL;DR: According to common Vietnamese custom, mourning headbands are often burned or disposed of at major milestones such as the 49 day ceremony (chung thất), 100 days (bách nhật), first death anniversary (tiểu tường) and the final death anniversary (đại tường), depending on region and family. According to mourning ritual texts, after đại tường there is also the lễ trừ phục (đàm tế) to remove mourning attire entirely; sources differ on the timing of đàm tế, with Phan Kế Bính (1915) recording two months after đại tường, and Bùi Xuân Mỹ (2001) recording three months after đại tường and the lễ trừ phục within the 27th month. Many places formally end mourning at the giỗ hết, after which observances shift to ordinary giỗ (kiết kỵ). Burning mourning headbands is a ritual marking the end of a period of mourning, not a single mandatory rule, and it should be done safely with guidance from elders in the family.
When to Burn the Mourning Scarf: The 49-Day, 100-Day, First Death Anniversary, Final Death Anniversary, and the Rites of xả tang and mãn tang
What is the mourning scarf, and what does burning it mean in Vietnamese funerals?
In the traditional funerals of the Vietnamese people, the mourning scarf is one of the most important symbols of mourning. The scarf is usually white, sometimes made of coarse gauze or rough cloth, or black depending on the region and the person's role in the family. The bereaved wear the mourning scarf as a sign that they are in a period of mourning, and at the same time it expresses grief and filial devotion toward the deceased.
Burning the mourning scarf is a symbolic rite: it marks the end of a period of mourning, the transition from the state of being in mourning back to normal life. However, there is no single rule that applies to every family and every region. According to common custom, the scarf may be burned or set aside at milestones such as 49 days, 100 days, the first death anniversary, the final death anniversary, or after mãn tang. Each milestone carries its own meaning and is usually tied to a corresponding offering ceremony.
This article sets out reference guidance following common custom, based on Buddhist materials and traditional worship rites. It is not the only mandatory rule, and practice may differ by region, by clan and by family circumstance.
The milestones of mourning and what each one means
49 days (chung thất) and 100 days (bách nhật)
According to the Kṣitigarbha Sutra and widely held Buddhist belief, after death the spirit passes through an intermediate state lasting at most 49 days. During this time a memorial service is held every 7 days, and at 49 days comes what is called chung thất, also known as tuần tứ cửu or tuần định nghiệp. This is an important milestone for relatives to recite sutras and invoke the Buddha's name, praying that the spirit may be reborn in a good realm.
After 49 days comes 100 days, when the bách nhật ceremony is held, also called tuần bách nhật. This is a following milestone, marking the gradual settling of the mourning period. Many families choose to burn the mourning scarf or hold xả tang on this occasion, though some places wait until the first or the final death anniversary.
First death anniversary (tiểu tường) and final death anniversary (đại tường)
According to traditional worship rites, the first death anniversary is called tiểu tường, the first anniversary after the person has been gone a full year. It is still a sorrowful, mournful anniversary; the bereaved still wear mourning garments. The final death anniversary is called đại tường, the anniversary after the person has been gone two years, still within the mourning period. This ceremony is still held solemnly, and the bereaved still wear mourning garments.
After the final death anniversary, from the third year onward, the anniversary is called giỗ thường or kiết kỵ (the auspicious anniversary). At this point descendants wear ordinary clothes, the grief has eased, and it becomes an occasion for the family to gather and remember the deceased. According to the customary rites of the world, the ordinary anniversary is maintained through five generations, after which the spirit is considered to have been released and is absorbed into the spring rites.
The xả tang and mãn tang rites
Xả tang is the formal rite that ends the period of mourning. In many families the xả tang ceremony is held solemnly, whether at the first death anniversary, the final death anniversary, or after mãn tang. Mãn tang is the point at which the whole mourning period ends, usually two or three years after the date of death. After mãn tang the family moves into regular worship and no longer observes mourning.
For Buddhists, views on funerals are somewhat simpler. According to the Most Venerable Thích Giác Quang, funerals should be organised neatly and simply, with attention focused on reciting sutras and invoking the Buddha's name for the deceased. Offerings at the ceremonies that follow the funeral should be kept modest and meaningful, so as not to drain wealth and money. This shows that burning the mourning scarf need not be elaborate; sincerity is what matters.
According to old custom, what are the milestones from 49 days to mãn tang?
According to the mourning regulations recorded in the old books, after 49 days comes tuần chung thất, after 100 days comes tuần tốt khốc, one year is tiểu tường, two years is đại tường, and only then comes the lễ trừ phục (đàm tế) to put off mourning garments entirely. These are the milestones of the mourning customs of the Kinh people, recorded mainly in books from the North, and are not a Buddhist doctrine; the Buddhist sources above are kept separate.
| Milestone | Name | As recorded |
|---|---|---|
| 49 days | Chung thất | Phan Kế Bính (1915): this week has a ceremony, and some families take it to the pagoda to hold a requiem, asking monks to chant sutras of repentance for three nights or seven nights |
| 100 days | Tốt khốc (bách nhật) | Phan Kế Bính (1915): by then the weeping stops, a feast is offered and then the twice-daily rice offerings cease |
| One year | Tiểu tường (first death anniversary) | Phan Kế Bính (1915): only then are the mourning items put off, such as the coarse garments, the staff, the hat, though mourning dress is still worn until the full three years |
| Two years | Đại tường (final death anniversary) | Phan Kế Bính (1915): the anniversary at two years is called đại tường |
| After đại tường | Đàm tế, trừ phục | See the section below; the two books differ on the timing |
On tuần tốt khốc, Bùi Xuân Mỹ (2001) records one further exception: in the past, if for some reason the coffin was still kept unburied, the descendants could not yet hold the tốt khốc ceremony, and only made the twice-daily offerings as in the custom of morning and evening attendance, and the hundred-day offering was also the last one.
Đàm tế and the lễ trừ phục: how do the books differ?
The two books differ on the timing of đàm tế. In Tục thờ cúng của người Việt, Phan Kế Bính (1915) states that the lễ trừ phục, that is đàm tế, takes place on a day chosen two months after đại tường; only then do people take off all mourning garments and change into ordinary daily attire[1]. Bùi Xuân Mỹ (2001) records three months after đại tường instead, choosing a good day for trừ phục called đàm tế, and explains that although the custom says three months, it is in fact only a little over two, because once the third month arrives any good day will do, and there is no requirement to count a full three months. This is a point on which the books do not agree, and readers should be aware of it and follow their own local custom.
On the lễ trừ phục, Bùi Xuân Mỹ (2001) in Tục thờ cúng của người Việt writes that đại tang according to the old books lasted three years, but many places have shortened it by local custom to 27 months; the lễ trừ phục, also called mãn tang or hết khó, marks the end of wearing mourning garments. Entering the 27th month, the descendants look for a good day suited to removal, usually choosing a day of the trực trừ type, to hold the lễ trừ phục; mourning clothes, the walking staff, the straw hat and the gauze scarf are all burned clean. He also notes that some places hold the lễ trừ phục about a month after the final death anniversary. From then on, the anniversary is held yearly, called cúng cơm or cát kỵ, the giỗ kỵ depending on the locality.
On which occasions during mourning is votive paper burned?
Phan Kế Bính (1915) states that the period between tiểu tường and đại tường includes two occasions for burning votive paper, the first burning called mã biếu, while the later burning is properly the mã dâng for the deceased to use. Burning votive paper during the trung nguyên week in the seventh month is a widespread custom, and quite a few families also do it on both the first and the final death anniversary. The votive goods are modelled on things people commonly use, such as blankets, curtains, clothes, chests and sets of bowls; some families burn votive paper at home, others at the pagoda.
The explanation of why votive paper must be burned on two occasions is a folk belief recorded in the books, not something this article asserts to be correct. Nor does this article advise for or against burning the mourning scarf on any particular day; which milestone to choose is up to each family and local custom.
Summary table of common milestones for burning the mourning scarf
| Milestone | Name | Main meaning | Commonly done |
|---|---|---|---|
| 49 days | Chung thất | End of the intermediate state according to Buddhism | Offerings to the sangha, sutra recitation, a light xả tang may be held |
| 100 days | Bách nhật | Mourning gradually settles | Bách nhật offerings; some places burn the mourning scarf |
| 1 year | First death anniversary (tiểu tường) | Remembering the deceased after one year | Anniversary offerings; the bereaved still wear mourning clothes |
| 2 years | Final death anniversary (đại tường) | End of the heavy mourning period | Anniversary offerings; many places hold the formal xả tang ceremony |
| 3 years onward | Ordinary anniversary (kiết kỵ) | The auspicious anniversary, gathering to remember | Ordinary clothes, normal anniversary offerings |
Practical guidance: preparing offerings and carrying out the rite
Preparing the offerings
Offerings may differ depending on the milestone and the family's means. Below is a reference list:
- Incense, lamps, candles (electric candles or oil lamps are safer, to avoid fire and explosion)
- Fresh flowers (chrysanthemums, tuberoses, white roses)
- Fruit, cakes and sweets, tea, water
- An offering tray of rice dishes (it may be vegetarian or non-vegetarian depending on the family, but killing animals for offerings should be limited, as the Buddha taught)
- The old mourning scarves of the bereaved
- Votive paper and paper money (if the family follows the custom of burning votive paper)
- The memorial tablet or portrait of the deceased
- A list of the names of the bereaved (if a collective xả tang ceremony is held)
How to arrange the offering tray
The offering tray is usually set on the main altar or the altar for the spirit. A common arrangement:
- Place the portrait of the deceased in the centre, above
- The incense bowl, lamps and candles go in front of the portrait
- The tray of rice dishes, flowers and fruit, cakes and sweets go to either side or below
- The mourning scarves of the bereaved may be placed on a separate table, waiting for the burning rite
Note: when lighting incense and candles, keep them away from flammable materials such as curtains, paper and cloth. Do not let small children play near the area where votive paper is burned. Keep a jug of water or a container of sand ready to put out flames if needed.
Steps for carrying out the rite of burning the mourning scarf
Step 1: The head of the family lights incense and prays, inviting the spirit and the ancestors to witness. The content of the prayer can be summarised: we respectfully invite the spirit of the deceased, together with the ancestors on both sides, to attend the ceremony and witness the sincerity of the descendants.
Step 2: Read the văn khấn (if there is one). The văn khấn usually states the name of the deceased, the date of death, the reason for the ceremony (49 days, 100 days, first death anniversary, final death anniversary), and a prayer that the spirit may be released.
Step 3: Carry out the xả tang rite. The bereaved take turns removing their mourning scarves and placing them on the table or on a separate tray. In some families the officiant reads words of thanks and declares the end of the mourning period.
Step 4: Burn the mourning scarves. The scarves are burned together with votive paper in a safe area, away from the house and from flammable materials. Burn a little at a time rather than too much at once, to avoid a large fire that could be dangerous. Do not burn indoors or in a place sheltered from the wind.
Step 5: Once the burning is done, wait for the ash to cool completely before cleaning up. Do not tip out the ash while embers remain. Wash your hands thoroughly before handling food or doing anything else.
The prayer text (summary of the main points)
There is no single prayer text that applies to every family. The content usually includes:
- Homage to the Buddha, the Bodhisattvas, the deities and the ancestors
- The name of the deceased, the date of death, the place of death
- The reason for the ceremony (49 days, 100 days, first death anniversary, final death anniversary)
- A prayer that the spirit may be released and reborn in the Pure Land
- Thanks to the ancestors and deities for witnessing
The head of the family may refer to common prayer texts in books of rites or ask the elders of the clan. Sincerity is what matters; it need not be word for word.
What are the taboos when a family is in mourning?
According to common custom, during the mourning period families usually observe a number of taboos:
- Avoid killing animals for offerings, because according to Buddhism killing only adds to the suffering that binds the dead.
- Avoid holding parties, singing and weddings during the heavy mourning period.
- Avoid wearing brightly coloured clothes while in mourning.
- Avoid burning too much votive paper, which causes pollution and fire risk.
- Avoid prolonging mourning far beyond local custom, since it can affect the mental life and work of the living.
According to Toan Ánh (2001), in the past a wife mourning her husband did not attend gatherings and did not go to the communal house or temple to make offerings during the mourning period; after đại tường, a day of the trực trừ type was chosen for the lễ trừ phục, and only then did she return to ordinary life. This is a custom recorded in the books, and many places have since eased it.
These taboos may differ from region to region. Some places observe them strictly, others more flexibly. What matters is showing respect for the deceased and not causing harm to the family's health or finances.
What should be noted about safety and health when burning the mourning scarf?
Burning mourning scarves, votive paper, incense and candles carries a risk of fire and explosion and can affect respiratory health. Some points to note:
- Do not burn votive paper or mourning scarves indoors or in a closed room.
- Place the burner or the burning area away from flammable materials, away from trees and away from power sources.
- Do not let small children or frail elderly people burn things without adult supervision.
- Wear a mask while burning and avoid breathing the smoke directly.
- After burning, wait for the ash to cool completely before cleaning up. Do not dump ash carelessly into the environment.
- If a family member has a respiratory illness, burning incense, candles and votive paper should be kept to a minimum.
What different views are there on when to burn the mourning scarf?
As noted, there is no absolute agreement on when to burn the mourning scarf. Some common views:
- The traditional view: burn the mourning scarf at the final death anniversary (đại tường), after two years of mourning.
- The simpler view: burn the mourning scarf at 49 days or 100 days, on the grounds that mourning should end early so that the living can settle their lives.
- The Buddhist view: do not place too much weight on burning the mourning scarf, but focus on reciting sutras and invoking the Buddha's name, and on doing meritorious deeds to dedicate to the deceased.
Each view has its own reasons. Families should discuss among themselves and consult the elders of the clan to reach the decision best suited to their circumstances.[1]
