Life-cycle rite dates
Enter a baby's birth date or the date a relative died, and the customary rite dates are worked out: the baby's full month and first birthday; the third day, the weeks up to the 49th day, the 100th day and the first and second anniversaries after a death. Each date comes with its lunar and solar dates, weekday and source; where sources count differently, both ways are shown.
The days or months for each rite follow sourced custom; lunar and solar dates come from calendar computation.
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The page records these dates as custom and does not rule on whether the beliefs attached to the rites are true. Customs differ by region and family; where sources differ or do not say how to count, both ways are shown.
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How are the life-cycle rite dates counted?
The full month counts one lunar month: the same lunar day in the next lunar month, with a leap month counting as a month. Giáo dục và Thời đại newspaper (2012) records the offering to the Midwife Goddesses when a child is one month old, counted by the lunar calendar.
Đà Nẵng newspaper (2016) records two gender customs. "Girls two days earlier, boys one" takes the one-month date and holds the rite two days early for a girl and one day early for a boy: a baby born on lunar 28/3 has it on 26/4 for a girl and 27/4 for a boy. Some places such as Sóc Trăng follow "girls two days earlier, boys one day later", so a boy's rite is one day after the one-month date.
Phan Kế Bính's Việt Nam phong tục (1915) records the Hà Nội custom of the early 20th century: the confinement ends at seven days for a boy and nine for a girl. It quotes Lê Quý Đôn's Vân đài loại ngữ: three days after a birth there is a feast for the Midwife Goddesses, and at one month, one hundred days and one full year there are feasts offered to the ancestors.
After a death the book records: once buried, the ngu rites run for three days (sơ ngu, tái ngu, tam ngu); the forty-ninth day is chung thất; the hundredth day is tốt khốc, after which the twice-daily rice offering stops; one year on is the first anniversary (tiểu tường), two years on the second (đại tường); two months after đại tường a day is chosen for the đàm tế rite. In southern Vietnam, according to Huỳnh Ngọc Trảng, the grave-opening rite comes before tam ngu, and the day after chung thất there is a fiftieth-day rite.
The sources differ in two places. For the first and second anniversaries, Phan Kế Bính writes "one year" and "two years", that is the same lunar date in later years; Giác Ngộ newspaper (2023) counts a full 12 and 24 lunar months, leap months included, so when a leap month falls in between that count lands a month earlier. For day counts such as 49 or 100 days, the sources do not say whether the day of death is day one. In both places the tool shows both dates.
| Rite | How it is counted | Source |
|---|---|---|
| Midwife offering at three days | Three days after the birth | Vân đài loại ngữ, quoted in Việt Nam phong tục |
| End of confinement (đầy cữ) | Seven days for a boy, nine for a girl | Việt Nam phong tục (Hà Nội custom) |
| Full month (đầy tháng) | One lunar month | Giáo dục và Thời đại newspaper, 2012 |
| Full month, "girls two days earlier, boys one" | The one-month date, two days early for a girl, one day early for a boy | Đà Nẵng newspaper, 2016 |
| Full month, "girls two days earlier, boys one day later" | The one-month date, two days early for a girl, one day late for a boy | Đà Nẵng newspaper, 2016 |
| First birthday (thôi nôi) | The same lunar date the next year | Việt Nam phong tục |
| Tam ngu, opening the grave | The third day counting from the burial | Việt Nam phong tục; Huỳnh Ngọc Trảng |
| Chung thất | Forty-nine days | Việt Nam phong tục |
| Tốt khốc | One hundred days | Việt Nam phong tục |
| First anniversary (tiểu tường) | The same lunar date a year later; or a full 12 lunar months | Việt Nam phong tục; Giác Ngộ newspaper, 2023 |
| Second anniversary (đại tường) | The same lunar date two years later; or a full 24 lunar months | Việt Nam phong tục; Giác Ngộ newspaper, 2023 |
| Đàm tế | Two months after the second anniversary, on a day the family chooses | Việt Nam phong tục |
Frequently asked questions
Is the full-month rite counted by the lunar or the solar calendar?
By custom, by the lunar calendar: the same lunar day in the next lunar month. A baby born on lunar 10/2 in 2023 (1 March 2023) reaches one month on 10 of leap month 2 (31 March 2023), since that year had a leap second month.
What does "girls two days earlier, boys one" mean, and are there other customs?
It is the custom of holding the full-month rite before the one-month date: two days early for a girl, one day early for a boy. Đà Nẵng newspaper (2016) adds that some places such as Sóc Trăng count "girls two days earlier, boys one day later". The tool shows both customs and does not pick one.
From which day is the third-day rite, opening the grave, counted?
From the burial, not from the death. The burial day is sơ ngu, the next day tái ngu, the third day tam ngu; in the south the grave-opening rite comes before tam ngu. Add the burial date to get the day.
Does the 49th-day rite count the day of death?
The sources only say "forty-nine days". Counting the day of death as day one, it falls 48 days after it; counting a full 49 days after, it falls 49 days after. For a death on 15 September 2022 that gives 2 or 3 November 2022, and the tool shows both.
How do the first and second anniversaries differ?
The first anniversary (tiểu tường) is in the first year and the second (đại tường) in the second, both still within mourning. Two months after the second comes the đàm tế rite that ends mourning; from the third year the anniversary keeps the lunar date of death.
How is the first anniversary counted when there is a leap month?
Giác Ngộ newspaper (2023) counts a full 12 lunar months: for a death on lunar 20/8 in 2022, with a leap second month in 2023, tiểu tường falls on lunar 20/7 of 2023. By the same lunar date the next year it is 20/8. When the two give different days, the tool shows both.