TL;DR: According to Phan Kế Bính's Việt Nam phong tục, tế ngu is counted from the date of burial: after the burial the family returns home and makes three sacrifices, called sơ ngu, tái ngu and tam ngu, so the three-day offering (tam ngu) falls on the third day counting the burial day. Other rites such as the 49th day, the 100th day and the first anniversary are counted from the date of death. Phạm Đình Hổ, in Vũ trung tùy bút, classes tế ngu as an ancient rite, while tuần thất and the hundred-day rite follow Buddhist practice.
Is the three-day offering (tế ngu) counted from the date of death or the date of burial?
From the date of burial. Phan Kế Bính writes in Việt Nam phong tục: "After the burial, the family returns home and makes another sacrifice, called Ngu tế"[1]. The book goes on to name three consecutive sacrifices, sơ ngu, tái ngu and tam ngu, so the three-day offering is the tam ngu rite, on the third day counting the burial day itself. For example, if the burial is on the 10th, sơ ngu is on the 10th, tái ngu on the 11th and tam ngu on the 12th. Nhật Nguyệt's Life-cycle rite dates tool counts the same way. In many places in southern Vietnam, the tam ngu day also has the mở cửa mả rite (opening the grave).
What is tế ngu in the ancient funeral?
Ngu means peace. Phan Kế Bính explains that the deceased's "flesh and bones have just been buried in the earth and the soul is not yet at peace, so the sacrifice is made three times to bring peace to the soul of the deceased"[1]. The book also records that only wealthy families performed the full ngu tế, while in ordinary families only close relatives came to pay respects during those three days; each afternoon the children brought a betel tray to the grave to weep, and on the third day the grave was tidied up[1].
Phạm Đình Hổ, in Vũ trung tùy bút (translated by Nguyễn Hữu Tiến), places tế ngu among the tế rites: "In funeral rites, only the offering to the ancestors and the khiển điện rite are performed as điện rites, whereas tế ngu, tế phục, the đại and tiểu tường sacrifices and đàm tất are performed as tế rites"[2].
How many bows do the descendants make at the tế ngu rite?
The two books differ. Phan Kế Bính records that while the body is still in the house people bow only twice, and "only after the coffin has been lowered into the grave do they bow four times"[1]. Phạm Đình Hổ holds that four bows are already due at the khiển điện rite, the final farewell before the coffin leaves, but that at tế ngu the bows remain two: "Although the tế ngu rite is performed after the burial, the filial child's heart is still bewildered with grief and cannot yet bear to serve the parent with the rites of ghosts and spirits, so when the prayer text is read, by the ritual order, one again bows twice"[2]. In his view, the four bows of the rites of ghosts and spirits are used only from the tốt khốc rite onward[2].
Is the three-day offering the same as tuần thất?
No. Tuần thất counts in weeks of seven days; Phan Kế Bính records that forty-nine days is the chung thất week and one hundred days is the tốt khốc week[1]. Phạm Đình Hổ regards these weekly rites as Buddhist: "Recently there have also been the seven-times-seven weeks, with the forty-nine-day rite, the hundred-day rite, the cáo hè, điện hè and tống hè rites and the burning of votive paper at Trung nguyên; all these rites follow Buddhist practice and are not the rites of the ancients"[2]. Tế ngu is an ancient rite tied to the burial. Both systems appear in one funeral, but neither replaces the other.
From which date is each funeral rite counted?
The table below lists the rites as Phan Kế Bính describes them[1]. Only the three tế ngu sacrifices take the burial date as their base; the others are counted from the date of death.
| Rite | Counted from | When |
|---|---|---|
| Thành phục | Date of death | Two or three days after death, once arrangements are in place |
| Sơ ngu, tái ngu, tam ngu | Date of burial | The burial day, the next day, the third day |
| Chung thất | Date of death | 49 days |
| Tốt khốc | Date of death | 100 days |
| Tiểu tường (first anniversary) | Date of death | After one year |
| Đại tường (second anniversary) | Date of death | Two years |
| Đàm tế | Đại tường | Two months after đại tường, on a chosen day |
Why are the date of death and the date of burial often confused?
Because almost every other rite is counted from the date of death, it is easy to assume tế ngu is too. Tế ngu, however, is tied to the burial: it is held to bring peace to the soul of someone just buried, so a later burial means a later tế ngu. For example, if death is on the 5th and burial on the 9th, tam ngu falls on the 11th, while the 49th and 100th days are still counted from the 5th. For points such as the 49th and 100th days, the books give only the number of days and do not say whether the date of death counts as day one, so households may differ by one day.
How do the old books differ?
Besides the number of bows, Phạm Đình Hổ criticizes the custom of his time of "laying out lavish feasts and sacrifices" on the day of thành phục[2]. Phan Kế Bính records heavy village rules around funerals: in some places the village let the chief mourner carry the mourning staff only after he had paid for a meal for the villagers, in others a chief mourner who still owed such a debt could not put off mourning dress even after the three years had ended, and from this arose the customs of ma sống and ma khô[1]. On the timing of tế ngu the two books agree: both say it is held after the burial.
Nhật Nguyệt's suggestion
Nhật Nguyệt's suggestion: write down both the date of death and the date of burial, in the lunar and solar calendars, during the days of the funeral. Tam ngu needs the burial date, while the 49th day, the 100th day and the first anniversary need the date of death. Where a local custom differs, ask the local officiant.
