Lễ ăn hỏi (betrothal ceremony)
- Life-cycle rites
- 3 prayer texts
- Offerings and steps
Culture and belief A record of custom.
About this rite: when it is held and for whom
Also called: Đám hỏi, Lễ đính hôn, Lễ nạp cát, Lễ hỏi
In the lễ ăn hỏi (betrothal ceremony), the bride's family receives the offering trays from the groom's family and then places a portion on the altar, praying to report to the ancestors the betrothal of their child. According to sources, the North carries an odd number of trays, the South uses an even number of fruit trays, and the Central region keeps four main offerings: betel leaves and areca nuts, bánh phu thê (husband-and-wife cake), tea and wine, and red silk candles.
- When
- An auspicious day chosen by the two families, after the lễ chạm ngõ (meeting ceremony) and before the wedding ceremony
- For whom
- The household deities and ancestors of the bride's family
Prayer text for the lễ ăn hỏi (betrothal ceremony) (praying to the ancestors at the bride's house)
- Used across Vietnam
- Folk practice
- Address to the ancestors
What this prayer says
Prayer text to the ancestors at the lễ ăn hỏi (betrothal ceremony) at the bride's house, reverently addressing the Buddhas, the deities, Thổ Công (Earth God of the house), Thổ Địa (Earth God), Táo quân (Kitchen Gods) and the ancestors of both families, reporting the acceptance of the offerings and the betel leaves and areca nuts from the groom's family to promise the marriage of their daughter, asking the ancestors to witness and bless the two young people to become husband and wife, to live in harmony and happiness, and to grow old together. It is recited before the altar after receiving the offering trays and placing part of the offerings on the altar.
The prayer below is kept in Vietnamese, the language it is read aloud in during the rite.
Fill in before the rite
Your name and address appear in the prayer below and are kept on this device only.
Showing the version used across Vietnam.
4 more blanks
Lines that depend on the occasion
- lễ vấn danh (hoặc lễ ăn hỏi): Read according to the ceremony being performed: vấn danh or ăn hỏi.
Other texts for Lễ ăn hỏi (betrothal ceremony)
Versions by region, by tradition and for each part of the rite.
Offerings and how the rite is done
As commonly practised and recorded by the sources. Each family and each region may do it differently.
Used across Vietnam, Folk practice
- When
- An auspicious day chosen by the two families, after the lễ chạm ngõ (vấn danh, meeting ceremony) and before the wedding ceremony
- Where the offerings are set
- The ancestor altar of the bride's family
- Who makes the offering
- The bride's father or grandfather
Offerings
| Offering | Notes |
|---|---|
| betel leaves and areca nuts | Required |
| Tea, wine, cigarettes | |
| Bánh cốm (green rice flake cake), bánh phu thê (xu xê, husband-and-wife cake), lotus seed jam | |
| Xôi gấc (steamed sticky rice with gấc fruit), roast pig | Optional. old custom, later gradually reduced |
| Lễ đen (black offering): envelopes of money for burning incense on the altars of the bride's family | the number of envelopes follows the number of altars in the bride's family |
Steps
- The groom's family carries the trays to the bride's house at the chosen time; the two tray-carrying teams hand over the offerings
- The two families introduce themselves, the groom's representative speaks, the bride's family receives the offerings; the two mothers open the trays
- The bride comes out to greet, offering water to the two families
- The bride's mother takes a portion of the offerings and the lễ đen and places them on the altar; the bride's father or grandfather lights incense and prays to the ancestors
- The bride and groom bow together before the altar
- The two families discuss the wedding date and time
- The bride's family returns gifts to the groom's family: tearing by hand, the number of returned offerings is even, returning the trays with the lids facing up
- After the ceremony, the bride's family distributes the betrothal offerings to relatives along with wedding invitations
Things to avoid
- Do not use scissors to cut the returned offerings
- When giving areca nuts, do not give two fruits (old custom recorded by vankhan.vn)
Northern Vietnam, Hà Nội, Folk practice
Offerings
| Offering | Notes |
|---|---|
| Odd number of trays: 3, 5, 7, 9, 11 | Required. the offerings in each tray are even in number |
| Cơi trầu (betel tray), bánh cốm (green rice flake cake), fruit tray | Required. báo Pháp luật Việt Nam: indispensable for a Hà Nội betrothal ceremony |
| Bánh phu thê (husband-and-wife cake), lotus seed jam, chè (sweet soup), wine, cigarettes, xôi gấc (steamed sticky rice with gấc fruit), roast suckling pig |
Steps
- Keep all three ceremonies: lễ chạm ngõ (formal meeting ceremony), lễ ăn hỏi (betrothal ceremony), lễ rước dâu (bride procession); the lễ ăn hỏi is held at least a few days before the wedding
- Trays arranged in a pyramid shape, covered with red cloth
- The bride's family receives the offerings and places a portion on the ancestors' altar and burns incense.
Central Vietnam, Folk practice
Offerings
| Offering | Quantity | Notes |
|---|---|---|
| Betel leaves and areca nuts | 105 areca nuts (voh.com.vn) | Required |
| Bánh phu thê (husband-and-wife cake) | Required | |
| Chè (tea), rượu (wine) | Required | |
| Nến tơ hồng (red silk-thread candles) | Required | |
| The black offering tray placed on the bride's family altar | according to mytour.vn |
Steps
- The groom's family presents the offerings, and the two families talk things over.
- The bride's parents offer a portion of the offerings on the ancestors' altar; the young couple burns incense.
Where the sources differ
- Number of trays: voh.com.vn records a tray of 5 fruits or 6 fruits, with the number of carriers matching the words sinh or lão; mytour.vn records 5 trays (betel leaves and areca nuts, tea and wine, cakes, nem chả, five-fruit tray).
Southern Vietnam, Folk practice
Offerings
| Offering | Quantity | Notes |
|---|---|---|
| Even number of fruit trays: 4, 6, 8, 10; usually 6 | Required | |
| Tray of 6 fruits: betel leaves and areca nuts; tea, wine and candles carved with dragon and phoenix; bánh phu thê (husband-and-wife cake); xôi gấc (steamed sticky rice with gấc fruit); flowers and fruits; roast pig | ||
| Tray with an áo dài and earrings that the mother-in-law prepares for the daughter-in-law | 1 tray | |
| Square bánh phu thê (husband-and-wife cake) wrapped in pineapple leaves |
Steps
- Some families skip the lễ dạm ngõ (preliminary meeting ceremony) and hold the lễ ăn hỏi (betrothal ceremony) and the bride-picking ceremony on the same day.
The wording is kept exactly as published by the source. The dotted italic words are blanks for you to fill in.
Sources
- Văn khấn lễ ăn hỏi (voh.com.vn)
- Trình tự nghi thức trong lễ ăn hỏi (vankhan.vn)
- Văn khấn khi cưới gả (vankhan.vn)
- Mâm quả cưới của ba miền Bắc, Trung, Nam gồm những gì? (voh.com.vn)
- Những nét khác biệt đáng yêu trong gia đình Việt (baophapluat.vn)
- Nghi thức cưới hỏi ở miền Trung bao gồm những gì (mytour.vn)
Part of the open dataset Types of Vietnamese offering rites and Vietnamese offering procedures, licensed CC BY 4.0.
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