TL;DR: The Vietnamese ancestor memorial ceremony (giỗ chạp) is a cherished cultural tradition of remembrance, an occasion for family reunion and bonding. Depending on the time marker, people distinguish the first anniversary (giỗ đầu, tiểu tường, one full year), the concluding anniversary (giỗ hết, đại tường, the second year, described by Song Mai and Quỳnh Trang (2006) as the most solemn), and the regular anniversary (giỗ thường, cát kỵ, giỗ lành). Organizing the ceremony should suit one's circumstances, aiming for simplicity and warmth, avoiding ostentation and formality that burden oneself and the surrounding community.
What is giỗ chạp and why does it matter?
In Vietnamese culture, "giỗ" or "giỗ chạp" is the anniversary of the death of grandparents and ancestors, held every year by the children and descendants of a family or clan. This is not merely a spiritual rite but also a fine cultural tradition, an invisible thread connecting the generations of a family to their roots.
The most important meaning of the giỗ day is to express the filial respect and gratitude of descendants toward those who have passed away. Vietnamese people hold the belief that "sống cái nhà, thác cái mồ" (in life one has a house, in death one has a grave); even when a loved one is gone, the children and grandchildren always remember them and carry out the rites to show their reverence. Beyond that, the giỗ day is also an occasion for members of the family and clan to gather, give thanks, share and strengthen their bonds, to recall memories of the deceased together and to nurture blood ties.
According to Toan Ánh (2001), the giỗ day is usually reckoned by the lunar date of death. Song Mai and Quỳnh Trang (2006) record that on the afternoon before the giỗ day, that is the tiên thường day, the head of the household offers the cáo giỗ (announcement rite); the following day is the chính kỵ, also called the giỗ day. Distant giỗ such as giỗ cụ, giỗ kỵ, giỗ ông bà are usually prepared more simply, while the giỗ of parents is usually held on a larger scale. The offering spread may be large or small depending on the family's circumstances, but by custom the giỗ offering tray usually includes a bowl of pressed rice and a boiled egg.
A comparison table of how giỗ chạp is organised in rural and urban areas, following the features described in the article.
| Feature | Rural areas | Urban areas |
|---|---|---|
| Level of community participation | Large numbers of neighbours | Limited, mainly close relatives |
| Form of organisation | Strongly communal in character | Simpler and lighter |
| Guests' contributions | Bring gifts and produce from their own homes to join in | Not stated |
| Preparation of offerings | Neighbours join hands with the host family | Prepare on one's own, combined with ordering dishes and offerings from outside |
| Reason for the difference | Not stated | Limited time and living space |
How do giỗ đầu, giỗ hết and giỗ thường differ?
Giỗ đầu, giỗ hết and giỗ thường are three different milestones in the giỗ offering custom: giỗ đầu (tiểu tường) is held exactly one year after the date of death, with descendants still wearing mourning attire as on the day of the funeral; giỗ hết (đại tường) is held in the second year, and according to Song Mai and Quỳnh Trang (2006) this is the most solemn giỗ day; afterwards comes giỗ thường, also called cát kỵ or giỗ lành.
| Type of giỗ | Other name | Timing | Main features |
|---|---|---|---|
| Giỗ đầu | Tiểu tường | One full year after the date of death | Descendants and relatives wear mourning attire as on the day of the funeral in order to make offerings and return greetings to guests; many families hold it on a large scale, inviting many relatives and friends; there is the custom of burning votive paper |
| Giỗ hết | Đại tường | The second year after the date of death | According to Song Mai and Quỳnh Trang (2006), the most solemn giỗ day; descendants still wear mourning attire of coarse cloth, straw hats and walking staffs to make offerings and return greetings to guests one last time |
| Giỗ thường | Cát kỵ, giỗ lành, kỵ nhật | From after giỗ hết | An occasion for descendants to gather, make offerings and remember the deceased; small giỗ and giỗ thường usually involve offerings only on the main giỗ day |
On the point at which the name cát kỵ begins, the books do not agree. Bùi Xuân Mỹ (2001) records cát kỵ from the third year, while Song Mai and Quỳnh Trang (2006) record it from the fourth year. This is a place where the books differ, and readers should follow the custom of their own locality and family.
How are the tiên thường day and the cáo giỗ carried out?
According to Toan Ánh (2001), the tiên thường day is the day before the giỗ: the person holding the giỗ brings offerings to the grave to invite the spirit home, and the descendants take the occasion to repair the grave if it has subsided or eroded; the altar is cleaned from the morning so that the cáo giỗ can be offered in the afternoon; those sending giỗ bring offerings to the house of the clan head, sometimes several days in advance; neighbours come to help, and after the offerings are completed the descendants and the helpers share the lộc (blessed offerings). According to Song Mai and Quỳnh Trang (2006), the tiên thường rite is only carried out for important giỗ such as those of grandparents, parents, or a spouse; for small giỗ and giỗ thường, descendants make offerings only on the main giỗ day itself. Also according to Song Mai and Quỳnh Trang (2006), the cáo giỗ rite must first address Thổ công (the Earth God) and only then the ancestors, because in folk belief the soul of the deceased who wishes to return for the giỗ must first ask permission of Thổ công.
What are giỗ họ and giỗ hậu?
Giỗ họ and giỗ hậu are two forms of giỗ offering tied to the clan community and the village, unlike giỗ within the family circle. According to Bùi Xuân Mỹ (2001), giỗ họ is the giỗ of the common founding ancestor of a clan, offered and eaten only by the descendants within the clan, with no guests invited; large clans sometimes invite a chèo troupe or a water puppet troupe to perform. Also according to Bùi Xuân Mỹ (2001), giỗ hậu is the case of a person who in life had no son and feared that after death no one would make offerings for them, and so while still having money and property contributed money and rice fields to the clan, the pagoda or the communal house so as to be offered giỗ afterwards; giỗ hậu is offered at the nhà hậu, a separate building at the communal house or pagoda. Many villages record in their village conventions a clause on buying hậu: whoever wishes the village to make offerings for them after death pays money to the village to purchase that giỗ service; this money goes into the village fund, used to buy ritual vessels, open or build the communal house, or cover other public works.
How has the organisation of giỗ changed in modern society?
Along with the development of society, the way đám giỗ is organised has also changed a great deal between rural and urban areas and from one family to another. In rural areas, where life still has a strong communal character, giỗ chạp usually involves large numbers of neighbours. People often bring gifts and produce from their own homes to join hands with the host family, expressing the neighbourly bond.
Conversely, in urban areas, because of limited time and living space, many families choose a simpler way of organising. They may invite only close relatives, or prepare on their own combined with ordering dishes and offerings from outside to save time and effort. This change is inevitable, but what matters is preserving the soul, the core meaning, of the giỗ day.
What mistakes should be avoided when organising giỗ chạp?
Alongside good practices, there are still quite a few families whose way of organising giỗ chạp is not really appropriate, stripping away its inherent fine meaning. Some common mistakes include:
Turning the đám giỗ into an occasion for display and formality
Some families, wishing to show their reverence or for the sake of face, organise the đám giỗ in an excessively elaborate and costly way. They turn the giỗ day into an "event" for inviting guests, showing off connections, even a place to receive envelopes of money. This inadvertently distorts the meaning of the giỗ day, turning a sacred, family rite into a display and a competition.
Organising it lavishly, affecting the community
Inviting too many guests, holding long drawn-out parties, drinking, and loud karaoke singing all day is a sad reality. This not only costs money and exhausts the host family but also disturbs the neighbours, affecting the lives and quiet of those around. The sound of live music and singing "torturing" people from morning to night has become a nuisance in many places, shattering the solemn atmosphere of the giỗ day.
Being too indifferent, taking the custom lightly
In contrast to excessive display, a segment of families, especially young people in the cities, tend to be indifferent and to take the giỗ day lightly. They regard it as merely a procedure, a duty to be got through, lacking sincerity and reverence. This gradually erodes a fine traditional cultural feature of the nation.
What are the principles for organising giỗ chạp appropriately and meaningfully?
So how can one organise a đám giỗ that both preserves tradition and suits modern life? The answer lies in the careful consideration and the spirit of "tùy cơ ứng biến" (adapting to circumstances) of each family.
Putting warmth at the centre
The ultimate purpose of the giỗ day is not extravagance or formality but the gathering and warmth of the family. A simple giỗ meal prepared with all one's reverent heart, with the full presence of children and grandchildren, will surely be far more meaningful than a lavish banquet lacking closeness. The solemn, warm atmosphere of the family meal is the most important thing to aim for.
Flexible division of labour, reducing the burden
As suggested by Dr Nguyễn Văn Công, a good approach is that before the giỗ day, the clan head or the siblings in the family should meet and assign specific tasks to each person. One person looks after the tent, tables and chairs, and offerings; another takes charge of the dishes and drinks, and so on. This division of labour should be based on each family's abilities and circumstances so that everyone feels comfortable and responsible without pressure. This helps reduce the burden on any one individual and increases closeness.
Limiting guest invitations and the receiving of gifts
Invitations should be limited to close relatives, siblings, children and grandchildren, and a few close neighbouring families. Inviting too many people who are not close will make the host family anxious and rushed, and easily slide into display. When inviting guests, the host family can tactfully announce "no envelopes, no gifts" to reduce trouble for guests and avoid creating pressure in the relationship. Sincere help, such as coming early to help with the cooking, is what is truly precious.
Restraining entertainment activities
The đám giỗ is an occasion to remember the deceased, so the atmosphere should be kept solemn and reverent. Organising singing, karaoke, especially at high volume and noisily, is inappropriate, causing noise and annoyance to neighbours and stripping the ceremony of its sacred meaning. If entertainment is needed, it should be kept gentle, discreet and within a reasonable amount of time.
Should giỗ be offered by the lunar or the solar date?
By the custom recorded in books on manners and customs, the giỗ day is usually reckoned by the lunar calendar, on the exact date of death of the deceased. Song Mai and Quỳnh Trang (2006) record that the afternoon before is the tiên thường day (cáo giỗ), and the following day is the chính kỵ. Families usually rely on the lunar date to choose the day of offering, but the choice of the specific day and time depends on the circumstances and customs of each family, and there is no hard rule for everywhere.
Why must Thổ công be addressed before the ancestors on the giỗ day?
To return to visit the descendants or attend the giỗ, in the folk belief recorded by Song Mai and Quỳnh Trang (2006), the soul of the deceased must first of all ask permission of Thổ công. For this reason, in the cáo giỗ rite, the clan head first addresses Thổ công to ask permission for the soul of the person being honoured with the giỗ to come and share in the offerings, and also to ask permission for the souls of both the paternal and maternal sides together with the family ancestors to come and attend the giỗ. This is a folk belief, not something everyone is obliged to follow, but it reflects how people of the past pictured the spiritual world within the family.
Why does the eldest son usually preside over the giỗ offerings?
Bùi Xuân Mỹ (2001) relates that, in the belief of Vietnamese people, the soul of the deceased can only come and share in the offerings when the rite is performed by a person of the same blood who presides over the prayers. Therefore, in each family and clan, the wish for a son is often tied to maintaining the incense smoke and the worship of ancestors; the giỗ offering rite is usually held at the house of the eldest son, and when the eldest son is no longer alive this responsibility passes to the eldest grandson. This is a traditional view, and today many families are more flexible in choosing who presides over the giỗ.
Why is there the custom of gửi giỗ and cúng vọng?
According to Song Mai and Quỳnh Trang (2006), when the giỗ day of grandparents or parents arrives, children living far away who cannot return often buy offerings and send them to the house of the eldest son for the giỗ, and also hold a cúng vọng (long-distance offering) where they live on the giỗ day. The custom of gửi giỗ stems from the fact that giỗ offerings are usually concentrated at the house of the eldest son or eldest grandson, while children and grandchildren may live far from their homeland and cannot all return to attend.
