TL;DR: People in the past avoided speaking the taboo names of grandparents and parents aloud, so during ancestor worship they had to whisper the ancestors' names very softly, fearing that outsiders might hear and consider it disrespectful. The family name taboo was once observed in many regions, but by the early 21st century it had largely disappeared in urban areas. On naming children, Toan Ánh (2001) records that parents had to avoid giving a child an ancestor's name, but the books say little more.
Why must ancestral names be whispered during giỗ prayers?
When offering prayers at a giỗ (death anniversary), the household head invokes the ancestors' names, but according to Toan Ánh (2001), such prayers were only muttered very softly, because if prayed aloud and overheard by outsiders it was considered a sin of disrespect[1]. The root of this rule is the taboo on personal names (tên húy): people in the past believed that letting outsiders hear the names of deceased grandparents and parents was a sin of disrespect. Toan Ánh (2001) also notes that descendants were not allowed to know the ancestors' names, for fear they might mention them or say them carelessly and commit sins against them, causing parents to bear the blame of unfilial conduct[1].
Folk belief explains the whispered prayers by reverence: the name of the deceased is sacred, to be uttered only in the private space of the ritual, not for outsiders to hear. In the same spirit, Toan Ánh (2001) holds that if descendants did something wrong and others dragged the names of their deceased grandparents and parents into scolding, the shame would be great, sometimes breeding deep resentment[1]. It is precisely to prevent others from insulting one's ancestors that everyone was careful in daily eating and behavior, trying not to cause any offense[1].
A note on scope: the custom books cited here describe the practices of the Kinh people, mainly in the northern delta, from the early to the late 20th century. There is no basis to extrapolate to the central or southern regions, to other ethnic groups, or to contemporary urban life when the books do not say so.
How did the name taboo work in everyday life?
The name taboo was not confined to ritual: in daily speech, descendants had to avoid words that coincided with the names of grandparents and parents. According to Toan Ánh (2001), whenever daily life encountered a word matching those names, descendants would use an alternative or find a synonym to replace it[1]. The book lists a series of altered pronunciations and substitutes: Hà Đông became Hà Đương, thịt đồng (dog meat) became thịt đặc, hoa (flower) became bông, quả bưởi (pomelo) became quả bồng, trái banh (ball) became trái bóng[1].
These substitutes later became familiar Vietnamese words, and speakers often no longer know their origin in the name taboo. This is a trace showing how deeply the custom penetrated the language.
For deceased ancestors, according to Toan Ánh (2001), the name taboo was observed even more strictly[1]. That is why giỗ prayers had to be soft, and why the elders' names were not discussed in crowded places.
“Nhập gia vấn húy” and Phan Kế Bính's commentary
“Nhập gia vấn húy” means that on entering someone's house one must ask the taboo names of that family's grandparents and parents in order to avoid them, and this custom was once demanded by many even of outsiders. Phan Kế Bính (1915) records in Việt Nam phong tục: “Many people, regarding their parents' names, want others to avoid them too, hence the phrase « Nhập gia vấn hủy » (entering a house, one must ask the taboo names in order to avoid them)”[2]. He also notes that many people, when congratulated or condoled with couplets containing characters that violated the names, would be angry and tear up the couplets, or demand they be changed; therefore careful people, when offering congratulatory or condolence couplets, often had to ask the host beforehand which characters were taboo and change them before daring to write[2].
Phan Kế Bính did not merely recount the custom but also commented. He wrote: “As for the taboo on names, though it is a matter of respect, it is also narrow-minded”[2]. By his reasoning, a name is merely a sound to distinguish one person from another, and not avoiding it would do no harm; if one follows the custom, it is enough for a family to avoid its own names, why force others to avoid them on one's behalf[2]. He also worried that if each person avoids different names and each word is read differently, over time the language would become distorted with no fixed standard[2].
This commentary is the personal opinion of a Confucian scholar of the early 20th century, from a reformist standpoint, not the conclusion of field research. It has value as a document of how a contemporary viewed his own customs.
How do tên húy, tên tự, tên hiệu, and tên cúng cơm differ?
A Vietnamese person in the past could have several types of names, each used in a different context and given by a different person. This distinction matters because giỗ prayers had to recite all types of names, and each type had its own taboo rules.
| Type of name | Who gave it | When used | Source |
|---|---|---|---|
| Tên húy (taboo name) | Parents at birth | Official name, taboo to speak directly | Dương Bá Trạc (1932) records in the family genealogy section: each person must record “tên húy, tên tự tên hiệu”[3] |
| Tên tự (courtesy name) | Added by adults | Used in polite communication | Dương Bá Trạc (1932), op. cit.[3] |
| Tên hiệu (style name) | Self-chosen or given by others | Used in literature, formal address | Dương Bá Trạc (1932), op. cit.[3] |
| Tên thụy (tên hèm, tên cúng cơm) | Chosen by the dying person, or by descendants | Used in prayers when offering rice | Bùi Xuân Mỹ (2001) records the old custom: descendants ask whether the dying person has chosen a tên thụy, also called tên hèm, the name later used in prayers when offering rice[4] |
Regarding the family genealogy section in Gia lễ giản yếu, Dương Bá Trạc (1932) instructs that each ancestor must be fully recorded in the genealogy, including: tên húy, tên tự, tên hiệu; dates of birth and death; occupation during life; good qualities and great achievements; number of sons and daughters born; and whether each child was born to the principal wife, second wife, or concubine[3]. The recording of all three types of names shows that they did not replace one another but coexisted in one person.
Regarding tên cúng cơm, Bùi Xuân Mỹ (2001) records the old custom that descendants must ask the dying person whether they have chosen a tên thụy; the tên thụy, also called tên hèm, is the name later used in prayers when offering rice, hence also called tên cúng cơm[4]. If the dying person is unconscious and cannot choose a tên cúng cơm, descendants find a name and report it to the person during a brief revival[4].
Song Mai and Quỳnh Trang (compilers, 2006) record the same content, adding that tên thụy is also called tên hèm, the name later used in prayers when offering rice[5]. The two books overlap in this passage, so they should be treated as one source, not two independent confirmations.
Bùi Xuân Mỹ (2001) instructs that giỗ prayers must recite all three types of names of the deceased: tên tục, tên hiệu, and tên hèm; tên tục is the name used in life, tên hiệu is a sobriquet, and tên hèm is the tên phụng, chosen by the dying person for descendants to invoke in later prayers[4]. The book also instructs that when praying to the deceased's name, one must mutter very softly in the mouth, to show sincerity and respect[4].
Naming children: what do the custom books say?
The custom books mention the taboo on naming a child after an ancestor, but only very briefly. Toan Ánh (2001) writes: “Before naming their children, parents must avoid giving the names of ancestors”[1]. That is the only direct statement in this book about naming children.
Regarding the custom of giving children ugly names in infancy, Song Mai and Quỳnh Trang (compilers, 2006) record: according to old custom, newborns were called by ugly names, and only when grown were they given meaningful names; the ugly name was meant to keep evil spirits from noticing and harming the child[5]. The book also notes that tên thụy is used when offering rice[5].
The books do not say whether avoiding grandparents' names was the first consideration when naming a child.
On the custom of naming children according to the five elements and parents' ages, that is a separate topic, treated in the article Đặt tên con theo ngũ hành và tuổi bố mẹ xét những gì?.
Where does the name taboo survive today?
Toan Ánh (2001) notes that the name taboo is no longer seen in urban areas today, but the old custom persists in many rural regions. In his account, cities have abandoned the custom, while many rural areas still keep it[1].
Note that this is the observation of an author writing in 2001, based on his own observation, not the result of a methodical survey. The books give no figures on how strong the custom remains in which regions, at what rate, or how it has changed since 2001.
What can be said with certainty is that the name taboo was once tied to a belief in the sacredness of the names of the deceased, and that belief has left traces in everyday language through substitutes such as “bông”, “bồng”, “bóng”. These words are now used naturally, no longer carrying taboo meaning, but they are vestiges of a time when the custom was alive.
How does royal name taboo differ from family name taboo?
Royal name taboo was a state taboo, imposed by the court and binding on the whole country, while the family name taboo was a private matter for each household, with no obligation. When discussing the name taboo, Phan Kế Bính (1915) mentions only avoiding parents' names, not royal taboo[2]. Toan Ánh (2001) also discusses only within the family[1].
This distinction matters because it shows that the family name taboo was not a rigid law but a custom that could be abandoned, and indeed has been abandoned in many places. Phan Kế Bính himself, as early as 1915, considered the name taboo “narrow-minded” and unnecessary[2].
Conclusion: what does the name taboo say about people in the past?
The custom of avoiding ancestors' taboo names shows that people in the past placed respect for the deceased above the convenience of language. They were willing to alter pronunciations, use substitutes, and even require outsiders to ask taboo names before speaking with their family. By the early 20th century, some intellectuals had criticized the custom as overly meticulous. By the early 21st century, it survives almost only in rural areas, and even there it is fading.
What remains are the substitute words that have entered Vietnamese without speakers knowing their origin, and the stories of whispering ancestors' names on giỗ days. That is how a custom outlives the very reason for its existence.
