TL;DR: The saying "mùng một Tết cha, mùng hai Tết mẹ, mùng ba Tết thầy" is a reminder of the order of New Year greetings during the first three days of the year: the first day is for the paternal side and the father, the second day is for the maternal side and the mother, and the third day is for teachers. This way of understanding ties filial piety to the tradition of respecting teachers and honouring learning, and to this day many families still apply it flexibly depending on their circumstances.
What does the saying 'first day Tet for father, second day Tet for mother, third day Tet for teacher' mean?
This saying is a reminder of the order for New Year visits during the first three days of the year: the first day is for the father and the paternal family, the second day for the mother and the maternal family, the third day for teachers, those who taught and shaped us. In folk tradition, the saying is passed down as a way for Vietnamese people to express the tradition of 'uống nước nhớ nguồn' (remembering the source when drinking water) and 'tôn sư trọng đạo' (respecting teachers and honouring the Way)[1]. It is not a legal regulation or a mandatory ritual, but a custom passed down orally and applied flexibly depending on each family's circumstances.
Why is the first day Tet for father?
In old belief, the first day is the most important day, the first day of the new year, symbolising a beginning. Therefore, 'first day Tet for father' is understood as reminding children and grandchildren to look back to their roots: first to worship ancestors, then to visit and wish a Happy New Year to the paternal family and parents[1]. After children give New Year wishes and receive lucky money for the new year, the whole family eats the first meal of the year together, chatting happily[1].
Folk customs researcher Toan Ánh, in his book Các thú tiêu khiển Việt Nam, recorded the scene on the morning of the first day of Tet: after the ancestor ceremony, children and grandchildren wish a Happy New Year to grandparents and parents. Grandparents and parents, dressed neatly, sit in the middle of the house; children and grandchildren, in beautiful clothes, wish a Happy New Year to grandparents then to parents for health and peace, and if in business, for prosperity. Grandparents and parents receive the New Year wishes of their children and grandchildren, and wish them health, progress in studies, promotion to the next grade or success in exams[1].
Why is the second day Tet for mother?
After visiting and wishing a Happy New Year to the paternal family and relatives, it is the turn of the maternal side. That is the meaning of 'second day Tet for mother' in old belief[1]. With similar rituals as on the first day at the paternal house, everyone gathers for the New Year meal, then goes together to wish a Happy New Year to relatives and neighbours[1].
Why is the third day Tet for teacher?
After fulfilling filial duty to parents on both the paternal and maternal sides, the third day is for wishing a Happy New Year to teachers, those who taught and shaped us into good people[1]. This 'Tet for teacher' day was seen as 'Vietnam Teachers' Day' in the old days, before November 20 officially came into being, an occasion for generations of students to show gratitude to those who 'ferried them across'[1].
Researcher Lê Nguyễn, in the article 'Mỹ tục xưa: "Mùng ba tết thầy" trong ngày Xuân' published in Thanh Niên newspaper on 24/01/2023, says that in the old social hierarchy, the position of the teacher was even higher than that of parents (Quân Sư Phụ), yet in family life, during holidays and Tet, the child has the duty of filial piety first[2]. The teacher-student relationship in the old days was always close, especially during Tet, and the affection between teacher and student was clearly shown through the custom of Tet for teacher on the third day[2].
At this time, groups of students flocked to the teacher's house, from little boys with hair still in tufts to young men of marriageable age. What they showed was mainly warm affection and gratitude to the one who had passed on knowledge and taught them to live worthy of the position of a scholar in life[2]. Gifts students brought to wish Tet to the teacher were usually not expensive, often a small basket of rice, or a pair of chickens and ducks, sugar and jam, cakes and fruits, or a few strings of coins[2].
What other obligations was Tet for teacher tied to in the old days?
Besides New Year wishes, the student's repayment of the teacher's favour was also shown in other forms. One was tuition fees, paid by the student's parents once or twice a year, about 4 strings of coins in total. If the teacher taught in another family, each year the host would sew for the teacher two trousers, two long shirts, three short shirts[2]. Next was the Tet fee for the teacher on holidays during the year, usually three Tets: Tết Đoan ngọ (the 5th day of the 5th month), Tết cơm mới in the 10th month, and Tết Nguyên đán[2].
Students in the old days also had the obligation to contribute 'tiền đồng môn', a sum contributed when the teacher's parents, the teacher's wife, or the teacher himself passed away. The person responsible for making the list of contributions was the student assigned by the teacher as Trưởng tràng nội. After the list was made, the Trưởng tràng ngoại would collect the money, and the teacher's former students, even if they had become Thượng thư or Tổng đốc, all had to contribute equally[2].
Ways of understanding the words 'father' and 'mother' in this saying
The saying 'first day Tet for father, second day Tet for mother, third day Tet for teacher' is explained in slightly different ways by the two newspaper articles:
| Understanding | Content | Note |
|---|---|---|
| By paternal and maternal sides | On the first day, worship the ancestors and visit the paternal family and one's parents; on the second day, go to the maternal side | The explanation given in the Tiền Phong article[1] |
| The first two days for parents | A dutiful child gives the first two days of the year to the parents and the third day to the teacher | The wording of researcher Lê Nguyễn[2] |
| By social hierarchy | The teacher ranked above parents in the Quân Sư Phụ hierarchy, but at Tet a child's first duty was to the parents | Also according to Lê Nguyễn[2] |
Is this order of New Year visits still valid today?
Today, many people are more flexible in making New Year visits, depending on the circumstances and conditions of each family so that the visits are convenient and not too heavy or stressful[1]. Besides relatives, clan, and teachers, there are also social, work, and business relationships outside[1].
What is notable is that the core spirit of the saying is still kept: respect for one's parents and gratitude to one's teachers. The order of the three days may change, but the meaning of reminding about filial piety and the way of learning remains valuable.
Distinguishing 'Tet for father', 'Tet for mother' from 'Tet for teacher'
A clear distinction should be made: 'Tet for father' and 'Tet for mother' belong to the family and blood sphere; 'Tet for teacher' belongs to the social and educational sphere. In the old social hierarchy, the position of the teacher was even higher than that of parents (Quân Sư Phụ), yet in family life, during holidays and Tet, the child has the duty of filial piety first[2]. This is a delicate balance between two value systems: family and society.
Why is it the third day that is Tet for teacher?
The Tiền Phong article explains: parents are the ones who give birth and nurture, while the one who teaches a person to become useful is the teacher, so on the third day fellow students went together to call on their teacher of letters or of a trade, bringing gifts as a token of gratitude[1]. Researcher Lê Nguyễn notes that the teacher-student affection shown in the first days of the new year was a deep impression in the minds of the students, and later, no matter where they drifted, the student's heart still did not forget the teachers of a time when their hair was still in tufts[2].
Conclusion
The saying 'first day Tet for father, second day Tet for mother, third day Tet for teacher' is an oral custom reflecting the order of New Year visits during the first three days of the year according to old belief. The most common understanding is that the first day is for the paternal side and father, the second day for the maternal side and mother, the third day for teachers. However, understandings of the words 'father' and 'mother' are not entirely consistent, and today many families apply it flexibly depending on circumstances. What remains over time is the spirit of respect for one's parents and gratitude to one's teachers.
