TL;DR: A đám giỗ in the rural Mekong Delta usually has three rites: tiên thường on the previous afternoon (the offering for the day of life), chánh giỗ on the exact anniversary of the death (the offering for the day of death), and hậu thường on the afternoon of chánh giỗ, an offering to see the ancestors off. After the offering, the host feeds relatives and neighbors; neighbors often come to help cook without being asked, and guests leave with a take-home portion.
What stages does a đám giỗ in the Western Mekong Delta include?
In many rural homes of the Mekong Delta, a đám giỗ has three rites. According to a Thanh Niên report on a đám giỗ in An Giang, the first day is called tiên thường, meaning the offering for the day of life; the next day is chánh giỗ, the offering for the day of death; and on the afternoon of chánh giỗ the family also holds hậu thường, an offering to see off the grandparents and ancestors after their days of returning to share the giỗ with their descendants[3]. Not every family holds all three rites.
The offering on the previous day is not unique to the West. Phan Kế Bính's Việt Nam phong tục, describing customs of the early 20th century, records: on the previous afternoon one offers tiên thường, and the next day is the main kỵ day[1].
What is tiên thường and why is it offered on the previous afternoon?
Tiên thường is the offering on the afternoon before the main giỗ day and opens the đám giỗ; it is also the day when the family and neighbors prepare for the main day.
At the home of Mrs. Thu in An Giang described by Thanh Niên, one day before the giỗ the hosts went to the market to buy ingredients for dishes to serve neighbors, relatives and friends; the women of the family and of the neighborhood came to wrap bánh ít and prepare food for the main giỗ day[3]. Another Thanh Niên report describes the tiên thường evening as cosy, with pots of chicken and duck rice porridge and the dish cuốn bì[2].
Phan Kế Bính notes that in some places, on the afternoon of tiên thường, relatives already came in numbers, drank and then set up entertainments under the pretext of staying to attend the ancestors, and only left after another round of drinking for the main kỵ day the next morning[1].
How does chánh giỗ take place?
Chánh giỗ is the main offering, held on the exact lunar anniversary of the death; relatives, neighbors and invited guests share the meal after the offering.
Thanh Niên tells of Mr. Lê Văn Út in Ninh Quới commune, Cà Mau: whenever the giỗ day approaches, he and his wife cut banana leaves to wrap bánh tét and bánh ít and get the pots, bowls and dishes ready[2]. He recalls his grandmother's words: "Back then, grandma loved grilled snakehead fish (cá lóc nướng trui) more than anything. For her giỗ, you must try to have this dish, okay child", so a full week before the giỗ the descendants find fish and keep them alive in a jar (khạp)[2].
What does the chánh giỗ tray include?
At Mrs. Thu's đám giỗ, the report lists braised pork with duck eggs, stewed bitter melon, field crab hotpot, pepper-stewed pork stomach, grilled snakehead fish and grilled duck; family and neighbors eat after the offering rites are finished[3]. A family in Cà Mau in the same report sets out three offering trays: one for the deceased relative, one for the cửu huyền thất tổ (nine generations of ancestors) on the central table inside the house, and one in the yard for the chiến sĩ and the đất đai nhơn trạch spirits of the land and house[3]. The exact dishes vary from family to family.
What is hậu thường and is it always present?
Hậu thường is the offering on the afternoon of chánh giỗ, to see off the deceased, the grandparents and ancestors, after their days of returning to share the giỗ with their descendants[3]. It is an offering, not the feast for guests.
Families who keep the giỗ short may not hold this rite.
Why do neighbors come to help before being invited?
In many rural areas of the West, neighbors often come to help before the host has a chance to invite them. According to the Thanh Niên article, "before the giỗ day, neighbors had already come to help wrap bánh, prepare chickens and ducks, and cook, even though the host had not yet had a chance to extend an invitation"[2]. The way Western people invite guests to a đám giỗ is sometimes described as "cập rập" (rushed): the main day is tomorrow, and only tonight does the host hurriedly go to invite, but "no one blames or criticizes"[2].
The article explains this behavior as stemming from the tradition of "tối lửa tắt đèn có nhau" (neighbors helping each other in times of need): previously, when a family had a funeral, neighbors would visit and offer condolences until the burial, which is why the giỗ day is hard to forget[2]. This is a description of actual practice in some localities in the West, not a general rule for all places.
Where do the custom of hosting guests and take-home portions come from?
According to a Thanh Niên report, guests at a Western đám giỗ are not only treated to delicious dishes but also given a take-home portion after the feast. This custom is described as "a very beautiful old custom kept by many families in rural areas through generations", expressing "the generous, honest, and compassionate character of the people here"[3].
Mr. Thôn in Cà Mau says he does not know when the custom began, only that it has come down from his grandparents' generation, and that the gift is a way to thank the neighbors for taking the time to attend[3]. A take-home portion may be a roll of bánh tét, some bánh ít, a few sponge cakes, sticky rice, shrimp and fruit; if a neighbor is too busy to come, the host has the children bring a portion to their home[3]. A đám giỗ is also an occasion for relatives near and far to gather and share news about work and the children's schooling[3].
The stages of a Western đám giỗ in a comparison table
| Stage | Timing | Meaning | Usual activities |
|---|---|---|---|
| Tiên thường | First day, the afternoon before the giỗ | Offering for the day of life | Offering; family and neighbors wrap bánh and cook for the main day |
| Chánh giỗ | Exact lunar giỗ day | Offering for the day of death | Main offering, then a meal for relatives, neighbors and invited guests |
| Hậu thường | Afternoon of chánh giỗ | Offering to see the ancestors off | An offering in the house |
How does a Western đám giỗ differ from other regions?
The most obvious difference lies in the way it is organized and the atmosphere. In the West, đám giỗ is often associated with riverine and garden spaces, with rustic dishes like grilled snakehead fish, bánh tét, and bánh ít. The invitation may be more "cập rập", but this is compensated by neighbors' willingness to help[2].
Phan Kế Bính's Việt Nam phong tục also notes a common point of giỗ customs in our country: during giỗ, no matter how big or small, there must always be a bowl of rice with a boiled egg on top as the first item[1]. He also remarks that the custom came to involve little remembrance of the ancestors and much worry about entertaining relatives and guests[1].
Earlier, Phạm Đình Hổ in Vũ trung tùy bút criticized: "In our country's custom, when a family's giỗ day comes, they worry and plan to the utmost, even borrowing to prepare a feast for guests, with no feeling of remembrance left"[4].
Nhật Nguyệt's suggestions for those organizing a đám giỗ today
Nhật Nguyệt's suggestion: if your family is preparing a đám giỗ, consider keeping all three stages tiên thường, chánh giỗ, and hậu thường if conditions allow, but it is not necessary to make it too large. What matters is that the offering is sincere, the food is fresh and clean, and the family atmosphere is warm. Hosting guests should be moderate, avoiding falling into the situation of "borrowing to make a feast" that Phạm Đình Hổ criticized. The custom of sharing take-home portions can be kept as a beautiful feature, but the amount of food should be calculated reasonably to avoid waste.
Frequently asked questions
Is tiên thường mandatory?
No, it is not mandatory. Tiên thường is a common custom in many families, but not every family practices it. Depending on conditions and local customs, a family may only offer chánh giỗ or organize all three stages.
Is hậu thường the meal after the offering?
No. Hậu thường is the offering that sees the ancestors off on the afternoon of chánh giỗ; the meal for guests follows the main offering.
Why does a Western đám giỗ often have the custom of taking portions home?
According to a Thanh Niên report, hosts see the gift as a way to thank the neighbors for taking the time to attend, a custom handed down from their grandparents[3]. One neighbor recalls that in the old days, when food and clothing were scarce, such take-home portions were very precious[3].
