TL;DR: Combining gio (death anniversary offerings) for several ancestors on one day is not forbidden and is increasingly common among families whose children work far from home. Yet the old scholar Pham Dinh Ho warned that gio is a time of remembrance, not merely eating and drinking; if combining gio loses the heart of reverence, it has already lost its original meaning. The most sensible approach is to keep the main date, or choose the nearest date, and hold a remembrance rite for each person before the family gathers.
Can death anniversaries be combined, with several anniversaries worshipped together on one day?
No law or regulation forbids combining death anniversaries. This is a matter belonging to the customs and beliefs of each clan. In practice, worshipping several death anniversaries together on one day is becoming common in families whose children and grandchildren work far from home, because it solves the problem of time while still keeping up the incense and smoke. Even so, this way of doing things also raises the question of keeping true to the spirit of the death anniversary day, which is not only about eating and drinking but also an occasion for remembrance and repaying one's filial duty.
What is the origin and meaning of the death anniversary day in ancestor worship?
In the book Việt Nam phong tục, Phan Kế Bính recorded the common understanding of his time: the death anniversary day of grandparents and parents is called kỵ nhật. On the afternoon of the day before, one makes the ordinary offering, and the following day is the main kỵ day. For distant anniversaries, one prepares a chicken, glutinous rice or a few trays of food; first the ancestors are worshipped, then the children and grandchildren gather to eat and drink. The anniversaries of parents are usually done more lavishly. What is worth noting is that whether large or small, the offering tray must always have a bowl of rice turned upside down over a boiled egg as the head offering.
What did Phạm Đình Hổ warn about death anniversaries turning into banquets?
In Vũ trung tùy bút, Phạm Đình Hổ criticised the customs of his time: every household, when the death anniversary came, worried and calculated, even borrowing money to make a feast for guests, to the point that no trace of remembrance was left. He held that the further one is from ancient times, the more people get the ancient intent wrong. According to him, if the death anniversary day did not provide for a ceremony, then apart from the usual seasonal offerings and the customary festival days, there would be few occasions left to show the heart of serving the ancestors and remembering those far away. Therefore, a ceremony on the death anniversary day according to the old custom is fine, as long as one does not make a grand feast inviting guests to eat and drink noisily while forgetting the intent of compassion and reverence. This discussion shows that already in Phạm Đình Hổ's time, death anniversaries tended to be turned into occasions for socialising, and the Confucian scholars spoke up to remind people.
How is combining death anniversaries done in present-day life?
Today, when children and grandchildren often work far from home, combining death anniversaries has become a practical solution. Some clans choose the death anniversary of the founding ancestor or of the person whose date is nearest to hold a joint ceremony for several people. Other families still keep the main day, but hold it on the nearest weekend so that the children and grandchildren can come back in full. There are also cases where the ceremony is held at home on the exact day, and the gathering takes place on another occasion. What is worth noting is that whether combined or not, families still usually keep the ritual of offering incense, reading the văn khấn and setting out the offering tray of rice before the ancestral altar.
What different views are there on combining death anniversaries?
At least three views can be seen in the way people look at combining death anniversaries. The first view holds that combining death anniversaries is completely fine, as long as the reverence is still sufficient. The second view worries that combining death anniversaries will blur the separate kỵ day of each person, so that the children and grandchildren no longer clearly remember the death dates of grandparents and parents. The third view, close to Phạm Đình Hổ's discussion, holds that the problem lies not in combining or not combining, but in whether people still keep compassion and reverence. If a death anniversary is only an occasion for eating and drinking, then even holding each one separately has already lost its meaning. Conversely, if sincerity is still kept, then combining is not something to worry about.
What does the comparison table of ways of organising death anniversaries include?
| Way of organising | Advantages | Limitations | Suitable for |
|---|---|---|---|
| Keeping each death anniversary on its own day | Keeps the exact kỵ day of each person; children and grandchildren remember the death dates clearly | Takes time, hard to gather everyone in full if the children and grandchildren live far away | Large families living close to one another |
| Combining several death anniversaries on one day | Saves time and money; children and grandchildren can easily come back in full | Easily blurs the separate kỵ day; if done carelessly it loses the meaning of remembrance | Families whose children and grandchildren work far from home |
| Holding the ceremony on the exact day, gathering on another occasion | Keeps the exact kỵ day; there is still an occasion to gather | Requires organising twice, more work | Families who want to keep the traditional ritual |
What should be noted when combining death anniversaries?
When deciding to combine death anniversaries, families usually weigh a number of points. First, it is best to inform and agree within the clan to avoid misunderstandings. Second, if several people are combined on one day, one should hold a remembrance ceremony for each person in order of seniority, before and after, and should not merge them all into a single ceremony without distinction. Third, the offering tray may be simple, but one should not omit the minimum offerings such as incense, flowers, water, betel and areca. Fourth, if conditions allow, one should keep a separate day for the closest people such as parents and grandparents on both sides. Finally, the most important thing is still reverence, because as Phan Kế Bính recorded, the feast is handled lavishly or simply depending on whether the household is rich or poor, but in any case there must always be a bowl of rice turned upside down over a boiled egg as the head offering.
How do customs change over time?
The custom of ancestor worship in Vietnam is not an unchanging block. From Phan Kế Bính's time to now, the way death anniversaries are organised has changed a great deal. If in his time the house of a notable might have the whole village come to eat at the death anniversary, and the house of a teacher with many students had all the students come to eat at the death anniversary, then today the death anniversary is usually narrowed to the family and clan. This change is partly due to economic conditions and partly to an urbanised way of life. Combining death anniversaries can therefore be seen as a step in which an old custom adapts to new circumstances, as long as it does not lose the spiritual core, which is the remembrance of ancestors.
What is the conclusion about combining death anniversaries?
Combining death anniversaries, worshipping several death anniversaries together on one day, is something entirely possible, as long as the family agrees and still keeps its reverence. The old Confucian scholars such as Phạm Đình Hổ warned that what is frightening is not combining or not combining, but turning the death anniversary day into an occasion for eating and drinking while forgetting the meaning of remembrance. If that spirit is kept, then combining death anniversaries is not only not wrong but is also a way for children and grandchildren to gather and remember their roots in modern life.
